Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Warning: expletives ahead. It IS 5.15am. I have NOT been to sleep. And I greatly want some sleep.

This is abso-fukin-lutely crap.

I am wide awake with Red Bull-induced caffeine swimming in my veins, my heart pumping and head pounding. I feel like I want to throw up.

Watched the day got dark, and the dark got light. 2/3 through my crappy essay on Korean Democratization and all the various Kims and Parks and Rhees floating in my peripheral thoughts and doing no justice to them.

Got tired, and picked up one of those chick lit I have for a spot of bimbo-reading pleasure before putting it down to get some sleep. Sleep didn't come.

And underneath my overly-warm duvet for end-of-spring, found my mind wandering, unpleasantly, loathingly back to men and my (lack of) love life. Again. WHY!? I just want to pack it nicely, and chuck it at the corner of my bottom drawer, forget about it. Not worry about it. Not even need to think about it. As a very wise friend once advised, men are only men.

...And it all amounts to nothing in the end.

Box it all up, maybe island-living isn't all that bad.

I'm sorry. I'm admittedly pathetic, boring and a little circular in my thoughts. I'm a bag of misery. I need a spot of self-bashing right now. What in the effin name is wrong with me. God. Stop it already.

Stupid sad eejit.

Fkin hell I really need to get on with this essay. Then all this thoroughly mind-screwing, time-consuming, energy-wasting and inconvenient thoughts will all go away. I swear, brain is just having fun distracting me from the real problems.

Eargh. Fkin frustrated I am right now.


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