Tuesday, October 28, 2008

3 weeks and counting

Wow. I think today marks the 3rd week I've been here, and it seems like a short time..and a long time all at once.

I learnt a little more about myself and survival on my own - most important lesson of all is that I am okay. For all the worries and paranoia that I am just an empty vessel, I guess some of them's just a little empty noise.

I'm loving this. Being on my own. Having my own schedule, doing what I want, when I want, and on my own time, and terms. Meeting people from all over the world. Laughing, talking, walking, eating...no crying yet.

Take today for example: Ran to the train station to get a railway card cos the internet system doesn't like my passport number then library to return/collect books, sat in on a class, went for a research fellow's interview for his study, quick salad at the student union then to the blood donation drive, then to Marcia's to hang out before dinner, home for dinner then hour long phone call with a to-remain-nameless friend, and I'm supposed to be reading but here I am typing this and chatting...it's a full day, and it feels satisfying and productive.

Opening bank accounts, sorting out housing contracts, sorting out more problematic phone contracts, registering myself with uni, going to classes, being responsible for myself and keeping an eye on budget...this is actually fun. I remember feeling so daunted by the gargantuan task of starting a new life, not knowing anything about everything here, and now I'm slowly etching a place for myself. I enjoy the daily commute, whinging about the bad weather and rain, walking, getting my own groceries, thinking of what to eat when in reality I'm still too lazy to cook in the kitchen, even housekeeping my own room. Did I have problem adjusting? Huge culture shock? Not really. I guess I'm just lucky with that. I do feel a pang of loneliness at times, but easily cured by going to classes and doing some social thing. Meeting people isn't as easy as it *should* be.

But I know long ago that I've been ready to be on my own, that my presence at home had been a pain in everyone's ass. I felt like I was imposing myself. That I was struggling to balance between needing to be independent and living on another person's terms. And I knew, deep down, that I've left home for good. That this is it, the world is here, and I'm going to embrace it and free fall into life.