Sunday, May 31, 2009

This is worth a note

Yep, this is really note-worthy.

I spent the better part of last evening laughing in amusement and irony.
We went on a night out to Crystal, and when all my friends had left, and it was only me and Xin, a guy from my Democratization class left...

Not only did I not manage to pull anyone (not that I was on the pull)...
...But HE pulled two decent looking male bitches.

It's set in stone.

I am going to be single forever.

In addition...

I am Puiyee, fag hag.
At your service.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Doodle-da-tum

Warning: expletives ahead. It IS 5.15am. I have NOT been to sleep. And I greatly want some sleep.

This is abso-fukin-lutely crap.

I am wide awake with Red Bull-induced caffeine swimming in my veins, my heart pumping and head pounding. I feel like I want to throw up.

Watched the day got dark, and the dark got light. 2/3 through my crappy essay on Korean Democratization and all the various Kims and Parks and Rhees floating in my peripheral thoughts and doing no justice to them.

Got tired, and picked up one of those chick lit I have for a spot of bimbo-reading pleasure before putting it down to get some sleep. Sleep didn't come.

And underneath my overly-warm duvet for end-of-spring, found my mind wandering, unpleasantly, loathingly back to men and my (lack of) love life. Again. WHY!? I just want to pack it nicely, and chuck it at the corner of my bottom drawer, forget about it. Not worry about it. Not even need to think about it. As a very wise friend once advised, men are only men.

...And it all amounts to nothing in the end.

Box it all up, maybe island-living isn't all that bad.

I'm sorry. I'm admittedly pathetic, boring and a little circular in my thoughts. I'm a bag of misery. I need a spot of self-bashing right now. What in the effin name is wrong with me. God. Stop it already.

Stupid sad eejit.

Fkin hell I really need to get on with this essay. Then all this thoroughly mind-screwing, time-consuming, energy-wasting and inconvenient thoughts will all go away. I swear, brain is just having fun distracting me from the real problems.

Eargh. Fkin frustrated I am right now.

"£$^^"£$^%&*(*&^$£"£$%^&*£$"R"%TY^T^&*(&^%$£"£$%^&^%$£"!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Banana shortbread

(A)
250g sugar
130g margarine (I used butter)
1 tsp sodium bicarbonate
1/2 tsp salt

(B)
2 eggs

(C)
300g banana, mashed

(D)
300g plain flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
80ml milk

(E)
100g chopped walnuts

Cream (A) till light and fluffy. Add (B) and cream till smooth. Add (C), mix till well blended. Mix (D) till well combined. Add (E) and mix till well incorporated.

Pour mixture into a greased and lined loaf tin (L20cm X W10cm X H8.5cm). This quantity and mixture makes 2 loaves. To make the bread look extra attractive, sprinkle some chopped walnuts on top. Bake at 180C for 45 minutes.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Thoughts bouncing in my head

I wish I can press a reset button, erase certain things I've seen and done.
I wish I hadn't fucked up.
I wish I can relearn rights and wrongs.
I wish I live in more blacks and whites, and not slink from one shade of gray to another and another.
I wish I made more prudent choices, and not live to regret them.
I wish I am not tormented by all this and knowing that I've done it to myself single-handedly.
I wish I knew where to go from here.
I wish I can have the faith, for just a moment, that things will sort themselves out.
I wish I can finally stop fighting, and start accepting.
I wish I can release these personal demons haunting me.
I wish for wisdom, patience and faith.
I wish I can still believe, hope and dream.
It's not too late...
Nor is it impossible.
I'd like to believe so.

Disclaimer: I'm okay. I really am. Just middle of the night, stressed out. Lesson is, if I expect a lot from myself, I better start performing. And find the bloody motivation to do so instead of a million other whimsical distractions.
*Smacks self*