So, strangely, I feel like I'm being dragged across the 2008-2009 bridge without conscious thoughts, like most things I've been doing these days. One day fade to another, one face melt into another and that's how time pass me by. Also, this sensation of transient, temporary state of being, this non-permanency is not anchoring me, and I feel like I'm floating aimlessly. Eeps, for someone looking for answers, perhaps its the best way to go, the whole reason for me to uproot myself and come here, isn't it? That pursuit for something, I know not what anymore.
Very solid concepts also lost its meaning to me, like a day, a month, a year...how will tomorrow be different from today? Dates and months will change, the year will change. And I'm still here. Unchanged? Who and what do I talk with anymore? Even the things that mattered to me are not the same anymore. I've been too willing to not care about things I thought mattered, and too stubborn about other things that shouldn't matter at all. Always that sneaking suspicion that I'm not very likable, lovable or understandable at all. Like I'm faulty, a paradox, and should be traded in for undamaged person - but - that's a stupid way of thinking. I actually ran across a profile full of cliched lines like "Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle" and that made me think that there's a grain of truth in there.
I'm going to steal and chuck the whole thing here:
1. There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we cant live without but have to let go.
2. IT'S SAD WHEN..
someone you know becomes someone you knew
when you can walk right past them
like they were never a big part of your life
how you used to be able to talk for hours
and how now you can barely
even look at them
3. Life is short,
Break the rules,
And never regret anything that once made you smile
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until it's gone but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
We're all allowed to be sentimental fools once in a while, and right now its my moment.
Well, 2008 has been as eventful as the last. Marks a lot more significance in my life than I care to list here, but its a year of milestone upon milestone.
- Year I learned about friends, friendship and loyalty.
- Year I learned most people are, well, not to be trusted with too much.
- Year I loved and lost...or was that lost and loved? Not that it mattered anymore.
- Year I graduated.
- Year I left home and ran away across the world.
- Year I learned how trying it is working with a best friend and a person I despise all at once.
- Year I go to grad school.
- Year I go through life not too worried about how I look like, because now it shouldn't matter anymore.
- Year I learned most men are arseholes (heh, we know that's true)
- Year I met a lot more people from everywhere, and learning how very alike we all are, despite the differences.
- Year I laughed and cried a whole lot more with the people I love and cherish.
There's others...but I guess what really matters is that its been another learning year, and while it wasn't all happy and dandy, its all been an experimental year of experiences. Have I got a resolution for 2009? Well, the same old things - learn more, laugh more, live life and remember to be a better person.
*Wipes the dust of 2008 off*
Hey ho 2009.