Yeah, Happy Chinese New Year to you too.

Probably the least Chinese-y, festive one yet. In other words, I had a day off, went for some tapas and a museum visit.

And came back to work where it went tits up. I made a big boo-boo aand now I feel so, so, so sorry and embarassed and worried about what I've inadvertedly done.

People not thinking you're working hard is a hard pill to swallow. Especially when it isn't true. After a life of overachieving, I've brought that principle and work ethic with me and I thought I'm doing okay. According to some people perhaps, it was wrong.

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing, y'know? 11 years of school, 2 years of college and 3+1 years in university later...where am I? Sales environment is so brutal. Your background doesn't matter unless it's one that's involved figures and margins and profits and revenues. I know in my heart of hearts I'm not cut out for it and never will be. I don't disdain it but I have no patience for the culture that comes with it.

'tis not me, enough said.

It's just that phrase made famous by some TVB actress.
I admit fate but I'll never admit defeat.

Also I recognise I cannot run away forever, and this is yet another lesson in life I need to learn. And in order to learn in I need to get on with it, and go through it.

It's the rat race and for what it's worth, I am part of it now. It's just life, innit?

Because of that phrase "not good enough", I spent years in uni over-compensating. And I know once I get over the chagrin, I will try to over-compensate, it's not that it hasn't happened yet, but the desired effect hasn't been achieved. It hurts, because I take it hard, I care too much, and take it personally.

What can I do? Just get on with this one and work hard.

:(

This really, truly takes the cake for a Chinese New Year that never came.