Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Lost

Time: 02:59

I'm truly at a crossroads right now...and it's choosing between potential love and potential self-development.

My question is, where do I go from here.

I'm not rushing into any rash decisions, but this is one of the rarest few moments I wish I have a mystical revelation, a sign telling me where should I go, what should I do.

Finally there's true possibilities, and I'm not comforted.

If I choose the love, I'm going to a place where I won't even be in my element. Where my choices as a Malaysian/Asian will be truly limited by, ironically, my (in)ability to speak, read and write Chinese. Where jobs may be hard to come by and it will be a struggle. But I may have found someone I could love. And I could do my master's in near future anyway.

If I choose the self-development, I have my misgivings...I'm burnt out by school and not sure if I'm ready for another dissertation in a few months. I'd have to start over the process of sussing out guys. But my entire year will be supported. And I may be able to develop my full potential.

It is somehow comforting to know that if things are meant to be, it will be, but I guess I want it, and I want it now.

I can't drag him into this...it should be my decision. But I need to know.

I fear his answer. I fear he does not want this as much as I do. I fear that it is a case of one-sided thoughts.

I fear he will want to let me go.

1 comment:

Har Har said...

It should not be a choice, if all the elements are in place. If he's the right one, he will make the effort. And so will you. Options are self-made, they do not come as off right. The chips are all in your hands, my friend. My support is with you :-).