Saturday, June 30, 2007

Losing weight

Time: 02:19

When my favourite skirt start sliding around my hips, I got sad. That's my favourite skirt!

And when I can fit into Nichii clothes, I was beyond ecstatic. I don't feel so gigantic somehow. And I was so excited I bought a dress on a whim.

I've been trying to lose weight the past 3 months...and it's working...slowly. SLOWLY. REALLY slow. Some days its even went up the opposite way. It's been a painful, hurtful, depressing experience. And I'm only about halfway from where I want to be now. You know, all I want to do is to fit in. I don't want to be odd because I'm so fat anymore.

For every walk/jog/gym I didn't want to go, I remind myself that I have a mission, and every step will count, whether to burn calories or to up my metabolism. Every drop of sweat meant something. Some days I pushed myself not hard enough, and I swear and curse. Sometimes I punished myself enough for me to like myself. For that hour.

Until I look into the mirror and still see the fat girl in front of it. I wonder when will I start liking myself, when will I stop beating myself up and to measure all my self-worth against numbers on a scale. And when can I stop hating myself for that extra bite, for eating more than I think I should and for being human, and hungry.

And I remind myself, over and over and over and over, why am I doing this.

7 comments:

melia said...

It's paying off. Really. I honestly believe you can do this. And you know, it is ridiculous, how we beat ourselves up over mere numbers on the scale. Sometimes we ask, what for? Which is why I haven't found the reason to try.

But you have a mission, and I'm seriously proud of you and slightly inspired by your determination. It will pay off babe. It is already. Just gotta be patient.

AND stop denying yourself the right to boast that you've lost weight. You have and we're not blind, though you may argue that I partially am without any visual aid, but the whole point is stop feeling inferior already. You've past that stage. If you should feel anything it should be good about yourself. Give yourself a break from time to time. We have time.

Wednesday we tayang kays?

Tze Wurn said...

hey, it's been a long time since we last chat huh.. anyway, i saw you today in uni, all i can say is that all the exercises that you forced/willing to do were all worth it. I can see that you are really losing weights.. Gambatei ya!
On another note, dun be too harsh on yourself. We, as human, especially females, can never be satisfied with ourselves, no matter how thin we are. For me(believe me if you would), it's your interesting personality that made me impressed when i first met you, and that's what I valued in you, even until now..

faridah said...

Didn't I tell you that you lost weight oready like... I don't know... Months ago? The first day I got back to the office after my loonngg MC...? Did I not? DID I NOT?

*pinch Pui Yee*

puiyee said...

girls, thank you. *wipes tears* i wanna hug ALL of you.


FARIDAH I MISS YEW!

Teddy Beh said...

:)
i noticed that too.
keep it up, reward yourself from time to time, and remember by cutting down food, your mood will swing, remember that and don't let the emo gets to you.
gambatte.

Wild Turkey 101 said...

You're doing it because of a goal you have set for yourself and of the satisfaction you receive and feel when you have noticed change, no matter how minute.

Take the comments from others and remember that when you look at yourself in the mirror, you will always look "fat" to yourself as we are more critical of ourselves. It a rare person who has that special friend who will tell you the truth rather than what you want to hear.

I have noticed the difference in the AB room and I commend you for sticking to it no matter how difficult it seems.

In the end though, I believe personality far outweighs (no pun intended) the physical characteristics of a person and your personality is grerat! Besides, more than a few men enjoy having a "little meat" on a woman anyway so don't overdo it.

For my purposes though, if I were about 30 yrs younger, you'd be fine in my book and I'd ask you out!

Take care Puiyee and never give up!

:-)

SuperOreoGirl said...

oi PY, the weight you have lost is great! like all kinda weight loss, you can't expect miracles over a short period of time .... unless you go for liposuction lah. :p like i told you so many times before, some people take up to 1 year just to lose the amount of weight you did. so, good for you!

now is the time for you to work on maintaining, not lose somemore. trust me, i've been there and done that. you need to tone up before you lose somemore. it's for your own good. also, allow yourself to eat anything you want at least once a week. eating something fatty in 1 day isn't gonna make you 5 kg heavier lah .... so ... you don't have to feel guilty. besides, you're gonna keep exercising and keep healthy right?

your friends all love and support you, so give yourself a break lah. don't feel like that ... love yourself. it's important. :) me luv you too. muaks.