confusions

26 Nov 2005
Time: 01:40

I'm not sleeping early intentionally. Everynight. Because sleeping early is akin to wasting time. That's how my twisted mind is working now...and I am so tired. So numb. So exhausted.


People say, patience is virtue. But, what patience? It's stretched to its limit. Beyond. Wait?

How many times can I turn the other cheek?

Sometimes in all rashness, I am still rational. Perhaps what stopped me from so many good things...is myself.

Overprotecting my pride, my fragile self-esteem and myself.

And without courage, too. Coward, I am.

I see...people jumped over the other side. I know who I am, what I am capable, or not, to be. The other side, albeit how colorful, albeit how I have come to learn so much about, accept and think nothing of, is not something I am prepared to embrace myself.

And with so many people on the other side, I wonder, what is the world becoming to be? In a way, it feels twisted. I fear.