19 Oct 2005
Yesterday night I slept at 4.20am, and I kept on dreaming. Well, nightmares, more like. I dreamt about falling. Free fall direct from beautiful blue skies. I dreamt that I screamed and screamed and screamed and my hands were flailing in front of me and the sky is getting further and further and I landed. On a tree. I remember feeling the impact; it actually knocked the wind outta me and I woke up and promptly fall back asleep.
And then I was falling, again. Fall, fall, fall, whooooosh....Free fall, and I dropped hard and fast....and I landed. On cold muddy empty lands. Marsh grounds more like. I remember *controlling* myself in my own dream, trying to land on something soft and will break the fall. Trying to save myself. From helplessly falling.
And I woke up. 3 of my limbs had pins and needles in them. I must have slept on them in my *fall*. And I pulled my legs straight. Left calve cramped up immediately. And then I fall asleep.
And I woke up, and the dream didn't come back to me til I was in the bathroom. The cascades from the shower reminded me of falling.
Why did I dream about falling so helplessly and so alone? And why is the falling part, the sensation, still seem so real and scary, even right now? The cold wind and the hard earth still flitting through me?
Just a dream. A dream.
And work was grueling, but fun. Fun but complicated. Complicated but learning. Learning about new people, diplomacy and the ability not to slap/strangle/curse/cry in exasperation at certain customers.
I had 3 consecutive days of full shifts. 9.30am-10.30pm.
Ulp. Not eager to repeat it.