Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Crap, this is all crap. Crap.

3 Sep 2005
Time: 00:29

I'm a fucked up driver. I am. Hours after I renewed my license. Hours after changing from a P license to a normal license. I reversed in a housing area junction because I thought my car is half in the main road with oncoming cars feeding in from a highway intersection and I don't want to either be blocking half the road or get knocked in the process. And I did not freaking look in my rear view mirror and backing barely half metre I hear a crunch.

Bingo. Another dent at my bumper.

No matter how I try to pin in, it's my own fawkin' fault. Doesn't matter the chaffeur-driven Toyota Camry behind me was less than half metre away from my car's butt.

I fucking did not look into the rearview mirror.


God! I won't forget its existence after this. Like I've never forgotten the function of the brakes after hitting a taxi in Bangsar earlier this year.

Mom gave me hell. I feel bad for the woman. She paid a hell load of money just to repair my car. And there's still evidence of scratches and slight dents here and there that I've never admitted to.

I feel even worst for my dad. He's not going to like hearing me withdraw money again for this after taking out money like mad in four-figures for road tax, passports, license, allowance, bro's sprained ankle, non-existential reading materials for the past couple of months.

I feel really really really bad.


Really bad.

Because I've used so much money and this is going cost. Because I've abused the car again.

Hate getting behind the wheels. How crazy was I to be so happy about learning to drive?

And I feel really terrible for my parents. Sometimes my dad sound okay about paying for me to go travel, sometimes he say things that insinuate otherwise, but then remind mom to make the passports, sometimes he'll tell me about MATTA Fair that's going to be held in KL in September excitedly...and sometimes he sounded wary...and then again he'll sound happy about heading to KL to the Fair and meeting us, and then...he'll change tack and say how tiring these expos are...I feel caught in a limbo.

Maybe I shouldn't go anywhere afterall. I never did anything to deserve it. I should stop expecting things from my parents like I did when I was 12 or 14 or 16. Already 19. Much too older.

And yah, okay. I miss going holidays with my parents. A family. Family. You have no idea what you have and what is its value until you don't have it anymore. You really don't. Because I didn't, and now I do, and nothing I can do about that.

I can't wait for holidays so that I can go work and earn some money. 3 months break is great. Should be able to get enough to pay for my own gas and allowance for a couple of months.

WQ made this comment,
*hugs* driving is practice (or is that practiSe?) makes perfect...sometimes a little mistakes help you to go a longer way...

Knight made this comment,
Aiyo..it's OK la...Pui Yee..The most important thing is nobody get hurt, rite ? R u Ok ? Dun be upset bout tis lo...
P/s Take Care, dearest Fren!


LPShean made this comment,
Ouch. I feel you.

Asyraf Lee made this comment,
I still remember this incident. A friend of mine shouted "brake!!!!" instead of stepping on the brake pedal :S

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