Drains

14 Sep 2005
Time: 22:54

(Darn spammers resorting to spam the blog board)

Exams. Again. Finals for sem 1 in university.

Wasn't that easy, I don't know...there's a lot of high expectations, mostly for just myself.

Was it the high profile presence in classes? Was it the show off? The domino-effect I've started and now have to continue? Like, I've done okay in class and now I have to prove it to myself, to others, I'm not just an empty vessel, all talk no substance?

Or am I just being too tough on myself?

Something is wrong when Pui Yee start not being able to fall asleep at 4.10am and wake up jittery and sweaty at 5.30am, cursed after looking at the clock on my handphone, and jumped up again at 6am, when my bro awakes for school. And then when the clock finally rings at 7am, can't drag myself awake for a 9am paper.

It was trying, being half awake, and having a mild headache, at 8am and trying to navigate the legendary LDP jam. The congestion started right after the toll plaza! Have you seen maybe 10, 12 lanes of car converge into 3? It scares me, gets me a little claustaphobic, especially when I'm in no optimal condition to concentrate. Have to do what my uncle taught me to - switch off the radio, roll down the window and listen to the traffic outside, and breath some fumes.

Miserable la. Wish I have somebody to talk with. Nobody to sms nowadays no more. Everybody's left. Busy with their lives. Not even...nah. Not even him anymore.

I'm digressing. Back to the topic.

Hmm. Is A that important that I'm going through hell? But what hell am I going through? A self-imposed one. You should see my study habits, you'll be disgusted. I don't even start til the sun's gone down, and work til late into the night. Don't even care until time's almost gone. In a way half's the pressure I've asked for it. Like right now, for example. I know I haven't read a single thing for LAN Malaysian studies the entire semester and I seriously am not exaggerating but look at me blogging.

LAN just want a pass. Just a pass. Pass.

But yes (yes yes yes, Darlene) I want As for a lot of things. Maybe except Chinese.

I'm oddly really drained. God, it's only the first semester, lighten up.

Comments:
tze wurn made this comment,
hey gal,i know exactly how u feel..Tat's what i'm experiencing also..other than the exam pressure itself there's still pressure from other's expectations n my own self-cempetence-ness..It's like everytime I have to get the highest jz to maintain my results,but I really dunno whether I really want my results to be good or just wanna show to the others tat i'm a competitor a them... Life's getting so tough now,pressures almost take full charge of me.. But now i'm glad I'll have a 3 months break..Hope i can find my true self again..Hope u do too..Happy Hols..

LPShean made this comment,
Yeah, lighten up dood. PUI YEE BOLEH.