Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dealing with it

28 Jul 2005
Time: 00:52

CSI's starting in exactly 8 minutes and that's the only repeat I'll be able to catch this entire week. I think I'm letting it go. Already missed CSI:NY, no more repeats for me. Dreadful how I'm reduced to catching only CSI(s), Apprentice and sometimes bits and bytes of here and there.

I used to be such a TV addict and couch potato. Can tell you who's in and out of Malaysian Idol, American Idol, The Amazing Race, the HK Serials, the entertainment (sometimes) scene, blah dee blah in a jiffy. Dude, now I don't even know one single name of Malaysian Idol's top 12. For a media person, that's pretty bad, isn't it.

However, not too complaining. I'm getting paid to get off tv. Did I mention previously? I've already tendered my resignation and my last day is August 7. Thank goodness. I'm surprised, but I've been asked by a few if the experience was good and if I learned anything out of it. To tell the truth, I must say, the only thing I gain apart from money and product knowledge is the opportunity to oogle or cuci mata at some real hot guys with real hot bodies. And lose some weight by standing, walking, climbing and talking around the small shop. It's a pretty unremarkable job and I won't miss it. Working and helping in flea markets was much, much more interesting and I did exactly that, once a week, for a couple of years.

Haven't been home at daylight for the whole month either. I joked with mom that I barely see her so she must miss me a lot and she said it's been quiet around the house. Too quiet. *Sigh* What dya expect, really, with bro out in school and her being rather ill...? I hate it when she mention she's a lonely woman, always had been one, even before her marriage crumbled, because I know it's true. Because I'm her child, I can't overdo what I can do. Sometimes I forget, though, especially when I'm with friends. Me going home at 1am, me forgetting about home and not wanting to go back...but I'm already 19, like. Its bound to happen. Even bro Edwin is growing up, outward-bound, with our own lives. When I have thoughts to spare, I wonder what will happen to mom when we're both working and busy. I can only sense a fraction of the acuteness of her impending lonliness. Not so much from dad, though. He hide a lot from us, choosing only what he want to potray to us. And he's so far away...few phone calls a week, that's that. I do miss him, though. Mostly miss family trips and holidays. Having him around the house. At the blink of an eye, 4 years passed since he left. Too fast.

Somehow it all seemed so complicated, my parents, but it's simple, really.

So after earning a sum shy of RM500, I'm leaving. Breathing a sigh of relief along with that, and my boss want to negotiate with me, because he don't quite want to let me go. Asked, what if he hire another and we tailor our shifts? But, nah. I told him frankly finals' in August and I can't well compromise and take risks. Told him, too late. Because, again I'm a part-timer and I'm not obliged to work 6 days a week and I'm doing that. And my stupid, misplaced sense of responsibility see to it that I fill in every single working day. So he gave up, shrug and told me I must call him when I'm on holidays. And I thought he's going to fire me! You have no idea how many shoe boxes I'm spilled over, how many things I've dropped and how many things I've knocked into. Call me clumsy.

Its for a MP3 player, that simple. 20 gigs for RM 899. Dad agreed to fork out half, hee. Mom not too happy, says he's spoiling me again. But, hee.

God this makes me so tired. Granted I'm having heightened time management (I achieved it! Time management! Like, blogging when I should be completing my assignment!) but by the time I reach home, unwind, have a bite and shower it's already 11.30pm. Assignments and some reading...? I'm falling asleep on my Harry Potter! I'm that exhausted.

Not complaining, not complaining...ah, Gianne, not ending up in hospital for exhaustion, okay? Not that bad leh! I can still handle it. Thanks for the concern. From ALL of you, okay...thank you.


Mmmkay, now, that issue I talked about in last blog. About me getting kicked out of circulation. Damn. This issue getting out of hand. It's not a big deal on my part, but, uh, I think it is on the other side. I suppose I got off the wrong foot, by flying off the handle (cliches cliches) but...but...but...it's not like I did anything really. The only thing I did was to tell him to get to the point, got the answer, stood up and walked out. Didn't even slam the door! Hey, I was miffed, aye? If that is defined as rude or emotional, then, gosh. I've got nothing to justify. I just want this damned issue to be over. It's a wrap, case closed!

Guess not going that way anytime soon. Reputation, image at stake. *mumbles*

I'm not exactly well-known for having a sweet temper, but more tempers (than mine)flew these days than ever. I told someone to f--- off. People asking me to f--- off. F--- words flying up and down. Tears, confrontation, bitching, wrong words, confusion. Obviously working and communicating with people is so difficult. Its alright now, but the sensation that the potion's thick, it's just there...who knows what tomorrow brings?

And I've been (well) ticked off by Amelia for the usage of f---. I didn't even type it out, don't want to say it so often anymore. She said she understood, but in secondary school I used to say it only when I really, really pissed. There's a long, long period when my language was clean. Now...now, I admit, I use it habitually; part of my not so extensive vocabulary. I was mortified once, I let the word rip in front of my friend's parents. Both had gaping mouths. I was stunned, everybody was. Me, Pui Yee.

And the only excuse I can have is that a lot of my uni mates swear, and I listen, and then I imitate. And influence, peer pressure, yada yada.

No more f---s for me! I'm coming clean! Cold turkey! I'm a girl! I'm a cultured person! I do not curse as part of my speech!

The other thing from Amelia is that, remember to not be too calculative. Mom love to remind me that, I tend to be calculative, but I should not. Give and take, tolerate and understand. Stop the bitching, stop the comments, meaness and harshness. Aiyo, seriously, I don't even realise I've become like this. Thanks for reminding me, girl, love ya.

Oh. Wonder how Jun Hoe and Delwyn's doing in UKM, hey ya both hear me? I'm free after the 7th August weekend! Must meet up, alright?

This is getting long and winding. I'm going to sleep.

EK made this comment,
you don't have to have this comment posted publicly if you wish. It's more convenient than email for me.
i don't believe the issue is getting out of hand. Something happened, rightfully or wrongfully (after all, right or wrong is subjective), and people are inclined, and I'd also say, permitted & duty bound to review it.

You feel it's blown out of proportion because your image and reputation could be misinterpreted. You might want to just put the incident behind you.

We, on the other hand, want/have to talk about it. Simply because you're running for MCS Chair.

I know yr blog is your emotional outlet, and it may not be a complete reflection of your thoughts.

So, this are just some points which you may already have considered...

1. If you could just eliminate all expressions of emotion when you discuss the issue with somone else(again, i'm not saying that you haven't) and reassess the situation like you weren't involved in it, you might get a clearer perspective.

2. If X is sour at Y and Y doesn't even wanna talk about it, then what you get is two people with bad moods in one organisation - the org loses out.

If both A and B can sit down to reach an understanding of why it happenned and how maybe certain things were not done tactfully, and learn from the experience, then what we get is a win-win situation.

If one is willing to talk it out, but the other is stuborn, it's okay. The question then, would be, "who is the stubborn one?" or "Who is the one who thinks he/she isn't the one with the problem?"

Also, it's not good enough if you have thought of all these things. What you say or do in the presence of others still form their impression of you. So, it boils down to, why the hell do you care what others think of you? But if you do, then act accordingly la...

yah, i'm long-winded - haven't finish my quota of words today.

Jun Hoe made this comment,
I hear you loud and clear gal. Been bogged down really bad lately with tons of classes and lab works. Unlike Del's who really free *grr..*. But yeah, erm I think I'll be available the starting from the weekend of 11th August.
And best of luck with the little tight situation you have.

Amelia made this comment,
good on you girl. real proud of you...about time! ahahahah...no worries lah....with a wittle bit of control you'll be as good as new...
i hate working. period.

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