disappointment

7 Sep 2006
Time: 15:59

It's over.

Multimedia Tools for Advertising. Final paper started at 2pm. Supposed to end at 4pm.
Done paper. Get home.


Still. I'm wrecked with disappointment. He done enough to insure, to assure, there will be no As for us. -As for some. But no As.

29/50 is the highest my class could achieve. 47/50 was the highest for PR majors.
Their lowest was 27/50. The differences is awful. The benchmark is so unclear. So subjective. So dependent.

On objectivity. On mercy.

Tis not really about As. It's about the principle of the matter.

Sir.

I'm still calling you that because I defer to your status as an instructor.
You have been entrusted by the university to teach us.
We have trusted our university's choice in hiring you.
That is how it goes.
It is not about racism.
I grew up with all kinds of Malaysians.
Tapi, I tak pernah temu seorang pengajar...
Sekeji mu.
Tidak dapatkah kita, pelajar-pelajar mu
Merayu setitik belas kasihan?
You're unprofessional. Spiteful. Lazy.
Segala penat lelah kita, harapan kita,
Terbazir. Berkecai.
Kerana mu.
Why did you come here?
Why did you come here to make life so difficult for us?
Wouldn't it be more beneficial, to ease our learning,
To ease your own teaching?
Isn't it your duty, your responsibility?
What are you thinking, really?
Doing all this backhanded, dirty things.
Paying revenge by jeopardizing students' work?
Is it that sweet?
Jurang antara kita, tak sebesar mana.
Apa awak boleh buat, in time, so can we.
Apa yang membezakan kita, hanyalah satu.
Perjuangan mu sudah tamat, wahal kita masih terkial-kial.
If you think you're such a great person,
There are many better ones.
What can you ask of us anymore?
Hormat? Junjung?
All you earned from us,
is our disrespect, distrust, disregard, dislike.
I'm fed up.
There's nothing I can do anymore.
Not for my class, not for myself.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to my class.
I'm sorry for my class.
I'm sorry to my groupmates, my friends.
I hope you can sleep well.
It's been one hell of a journey.
I only ask this:
How can you live with yourself?


The most difficult lesson to learn, is not about others. Its about who you are.
I know I am this. I have anger management issues. I'm emo.
I also know, I do not know how to twist and turn. I'm me. If I don't like you, I don't.
I cannot bring myself to pretend I do. That is not who I am.
I've said and done some stupid, foolish, immature things.
I'm not proud.
How can I survive all the politicking then?
But in the end, I can. I can live with myself.
Even if I end up in tears, it is because of how unfairly we've been treated.
The only consolation we have is, we have done our best.
We have redone work, spent money, lost sleep.
We have had bitterness, laughter, anger and sacrifice.
We have been reckless, cautious and wary.
This is not supposed to be like this. Should not.
It is.
We have to live with it.
Living and learning.
Its over and done with now.
We can live with ourselves.
I hope you can, too.