2 Oct 2005
I don't know why, am on the verge of tears these past couple of nights. A little is enough to trigger them.
Life seem kind of pointless at this moment. No pivotal life changes, just another day in another week.
There's no meaning, no substance.
Very sien, to make the short story shorter.
Wrought many disappointments lately. I don't really wanna name them here, cos I don't wanna hurt anyone. It's nobody's fault...things just happen, y'know? Although I think I am allowed to feel a lil crushed and sad by it all.
It seem trivial to name things, too, come to think of it. Its no big deal, nothing that cannot blow over and disappear with time. You just know at this moment its there and it sucks. People mull over trivial matters when they have plenty of time, and I sure am mulling. And getting worked up. I'm bored. Purpose-less.
I wanna surround myself with people, sharing a same mission or goal, right now. I miss classes. I miss people. Being alone sucks. Being without anything to do is even worst, there's nothing for which I can spend my time doing. Can't wait for my job to start on Tuesday, at least I'm spending time earning money and being on my feet. Then you'll see me complain non-stop. Serve me right.
I feel like I've missed a lot of opportunities in my life, like I've been too dumb and complacent and end up not catching the last bus. And now I'm seeing what could have been and what is. See, I'm mulling.
Oh, went clubbing last Thursday, in Rush. Darn, sure was disappointed by that, too. The crowd was so la la, that's a colloquism for ...I can't explain la la-ness. Its uniquely Malaysian. The music weren't good, though I must say the vodka lime was. Was driving. Ate a late-night dinner at 2am in the Hong Kong-style Char Chan Teng (Tea Restaurant) in SS2. Grouchy waiter told me they open til 3am. Poor them who work the graveyard shift. Spent the night at Amelia's. Talked about relationships.
Maybe I'm not ready for one. Maybe I don't even want one, come to think of it. Solo is good. Songs always sing of love, but love is not the only factor sustaining life. Passion is. So is will. So is patience. And so I wait.