14 Jun 2003 01:46
At the moment
Song: One Moment in Time - Whitney Houston
My brain is saying: Tough life
Wishlist: Olympus M[mju:] 300 or 400 Digital Camera. I really really really need this camera..my current one worked like Stone Age and if anyone have RM1k+ to spare...
I had been sick the past week...flu? Nah. SARS? Nope. It did freak me a little, though, being feverish for a few days...guess it stemmed from that Friday choir practice. Haven't practiced high pitching for a few months...didn't take care of my voice or anything...heck, I'm not Charlotte Church or something.
Sigh. Choir is what I'll mention today. I've been a member since Form 1, so many years ago. Was an Alto for exactly 2 months before I cheated and re-audition. Got the soprano spot I wanted. Been in the competiting team since Form 3. Seen a lot, and I mean it, of ups and downs..learning new songs, perfecting that pitch for hours at a go, frustrating imperfect harmony leading to the conducter and conductress to repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat AND repeat the same phrase...believe me, after singing a song for about the 100th time, you're on auto-pilot, mistake or not. We've been thru devastating loses, deep disappointments, elations at winning national titles, excitement of appearing on tv and being paid to do that, being invited to this function and that ceremony...oh it's high life, considering we're but regular students from the surburbs otherwise.
The thing is, although a lot of the choir members are acquaintances, I can't genuinely say there are many true friends. If I head to a session alone, I'm literally on my own. I dunno...I'm a difficult person, I understand. They're nice people if you're their friends, but if you're not in the clique, you're not. I often find myself sitting in a corner alone, or at the piano....it's not fun. I guess I lost interest in harping at making friends there. I also lost the enthusiasm for singing with them...well, district level competition's next Tuesday, and I admit, it was a flake or me, quitting it exactly 2 days ago, on Wednesday afternoon. I was annoyed. Not only I was coughing like shit, I have chemistry, math and add math lessons...and they told me I must be at choir practise! Considering I barely passed Chem, had low maths mark and failed Add Math...and I was angered because the choir president told me `choir doesn't effect studies. You yourself effect yourself'. So I was thinking, fine. And I THINK choir is interfering. Well, I quit.
End of story.
Today during recess, this fella came hollering for me in the canteen and asked me to rejoin choir...because they're really desperate. Truth is, I felt relieved since quitting but a little nostalgic cos it really symbolise the end is nearer and nearer. When he requested...I did consider during my recess. Well...once again I'm in. They told me to help out with district; state-levels, consider later. Oh well. As long as I don't miss mat and add math, I told them. They agreed.
So. Here I am. Competing on Tuesday. Our standards dropped, many soprano seniors dropped out, including Amelia. Wish us luck.
Was also extremely busy all week with editorial stuff. The teacher assigned a lot of things to edit and proof-read for the holidays, I did my job (well) and more, and the rest of the team did others. I can trust most of them...except well...I'm not racist, but, the Malay girls. They're just...unreliable. One girl specifically ASKED to proof-read graduating classes' lists of names, addresses, emails and tel. no.s. I gave her 8 classes, told her to correct it THOROUGHLY and she's like `yes, yes, yes, okay, yes, yes'. Fine. You know what? After the holidays, I collected her stack from her and because the other didn't bring her stack, the teacher told me to pass the things up the next day instead and that turned out lucky. Because I got home and checked her work and it was all in PENCIL. Fine, I thought I'll just rewrite in red ink, easy. But NooOooo, there was only 2 or 3 mistakes in a page full of numbers, addresses and names. Impossible. I rechecked. And God, I had to do one week's worth of work in a night. I was so angry, I couldn't think straight. She didn't complete an interview for a retiring teacher for me although I gave her ample time. Besides that, the teacher already told me off for not meeting deadlines and my board not united and not thorough, and not co-operative and not dedicated. And then I showed that girl what she had not done and what I had to do for her and...she only took her stack back, shifted through the red-ridden pages and...smile. Oh..felt like my heart was piearced by a dagger. Felt like scolding her, no face given. But I resist. I was actually thinking of maliciously suggesting to the teacher to just kick her out of the board because she suggested it...I DID think of it. Only.
ArgH! Heavens! Where's justice?!!!!
Consider this a farewell:
Harry Potter 5 : 8
"I want simplicity."
Why do people want simplicity but openly chase something they know isn't so simple after all? Do they hope that in the attempt to gain this not-so-simple entity, that they will in turn be able to perhaps see simplicity in the person, or perhaps even make the person genuinely simple? What are we chasing for? To be simple, to chase simplicity, to love the chase, to chase love. Simple.