Dwindles

4 Oct 2003
At the moment
Song: If We Hold On Together - OST Land Before Time
Mood: Worried, procrastinating, disappointed, swamped, serious.
What I had last: Rice
My brain is saying: One month. ONE month.
Time: 13:14
Wishlist: Olympus M[mju:]400 Digital Camera or Kodak Easy Share. I really really really need this camera..my current one worked like Stone Age and if anyone have RM1k+ to spare...


If you think I'm trying to cramp a whole month's worth of blogs into this one single entry, you're damned right. In exactly er, 29 days, I'll be sitting for my SPM Biology I, II and III. And how prepared am I? Answer: Not very. Started studying, but I fall asleep after every few chapters. And this is only the short, introductory chapters from Form 4. Am I doomed yet? Answer: Soon, very soon.

Therefore, I'm not going to blog. I'm going to miss seeing my 16100+ hits in 6 months (whoa...my blog is already 6 months old, NOT BAD!). This is going to be one quiet month for me - no concerts, no movies, not much net time, not much socializing. I mean, the whole point is, no more life til after SPM.

The thing is, I've failed yet another add math exam. This is trials, and I manage to screw it so...badly. I need exactly 3 more marks overall to get a pass. Which meant I needed to get 2 more corrects in Paper I, which I should have had done! Tangen is differenciation, gg'(1) is also differenciation. WHAT THE FAWK IS WRONG WITH ME?! If I scored those, I'd PASS. DAMMIT. UGhhhH. As for Chemistry, well, I scored better than any tests this year, BUT it's still not up to what I wanted it to be. It didn't make me happy. It made me angry. It made me ashamed of what I know (or don't). How can I score such crap!? WHAT THE FAWK IS WRONG WITH ME?! And Math. Yeah. I got an A. So? Stupid mistakes abound, carelessness astrife...it could've been >82. It COULD have been. And it wasn't. Because I manage to screw some formulae up and screw some answers up. WHAT THE FAWK IS WRONG WITH ME?! BM? Fine, BM I'm actually happy enough that I've got 77%, an A1. At least it's pretty much sure that I'll get an A for it in SPM (I hope). Yet, when I see some other people with over 85%, I'm jealous. WHAT THE FAWK IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Some happier tales to tell:

Yup, I've got the green light for the Sipadan trip. Turns out only 6 was shortlisted from a selection of us Lumut BRATs. I called them up, and they say they tossed a few names around and we 6 had it cos we were the best among the best. Fuiyoh, my ego soar high. But really, I'm really honoured. There's so so so many bright (and not so bright) people there, there's so many attention-hungry BRATs not ashamed to announce so, there's so many who fought for the limelight, and me, lil non-special, non-gifted, non-brilliant me, I got it. My gosh. I only have one reaction: BwahahaAHAHahAHaaAahAHahahhahAH. So. RM 1 050 is the fare for a 5D4N trip to Sipadan Mabul Resort, off Semporna in Tawau, Sabah. It covers return air fare KL-Tawau-Sipadan. We're going to Sipadan by air via Tawau! It covers lodgings, food, transportation and whatever we're gonna do there that'll cost. Howszat? And I already started fantasizing about the whole thing.

Well, other than that, nothing else, much. I have biology to suck up today. And I promise myself I'll do add math too. Tomorrow: Math and BM. Sastera. Yay. I love sastera. I love memorizing what's anafora, metafora, paradox, antagonis...yay!

On the other hand:

I was upset over something yesterday night and I ...well. I SMSed someone for the sake of distraction. It worked...i can't believe it's been 2 years and I've still have it for him. Do he realise it? Maybe...I've tried to tell him once. He backed off before I even finish explaining. And although this issue has taken a back seat, it has not poofed up in the air. I thought it faded...maybe to a certain extend, it did. He's not the greatest, I mean, he has plenty of faults and characteristics that's not negotiatable, yet...my God...I'm such a depraved human. I've fallen for a fella I never met. *rubbing my temples* And he may go off somewhere to continue his studies, and when I think of that, it make me a little sad. Why do I fall for impossible guys?!

Comments:
Yoke Yan made this comment,
Why u lucky gal! I failed my chemistry! It's so unfair... but i passed my Add Maths. I needed only 1 more mark to pass chem! Can't believe it, the problem is, how am i gonna tell my parents? I'll be so dead..Well, gotta go, enjoy your Sipadan trip ok. Do get me some pictures from Sipadan! :)
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jackson yeoh made this comment,
i know i might sound a bit harsh but i'll have to. i dont want to see a smart person flunking spm just because of the inferiority she felt within herself. exams isnt that difficult but you made the exams difficult. and theres certainly nothing fawking wrong with you. think about it. i'm trying to knock some senses into your linear thoughts constantly chanting 'i can't do it' or 'i'm screwed' or 'theres something wrong with me'
remember, exam isnt over until you put your pen down. if its one day or one hour, doesnt matter. its STILL not over. you have your brilliant brain, use it. you have your will, embrace it.

i've seen people failing so many papers during trials but scored excellent results in spm. why? they transform the anger and embarassment into fuel of determination. determination to succeed. determination to pass with flying colours.

remember, you have only ONE spm in your entire lifetime. you cant possibly resit and waste another year. so either you do well or fail well. your pick.

i hope that knock some senses into your head.

on the lighter side congratulation for making it to sipadan. i'm anticipating scenic photos in your blog in the future. ;}

cheers

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