Saturday, March 17, 2007


12 Oct 2003
At the moment
Song: -
Mood: Sleepy, Pissed at ICQ.
What I had last: Dinner la
My brain is saying: Saying "..."
Time: 01:00
Wishlist: Olympus M[mju:]400 Digital Camera or Kodak Easy Share. I really really really need this current one worked like Stone Age and if anyone have RM1k+ to spare...

Last week A few nights ago, I had this really, really morbid dream. A bunch of us were headed to a party by the beach on a yatch and we suddenly heard one of my friend schoolmate had died. The entire mood became sombre, and I remember we actually attended his, er, funeral. Coffin, service, praying, bowing, eulogy....everything. I remember I was amazed by the fact that so many people were there. Every seat was occupied; many people were sobbing. Who was the dead one? I'm reluctant to reveal. I'll go as far as saying it's a him and he "died" during duty in the police corp. Please, don't guess. It chilled me. It really do. Because, touchwood, I never really know any people near my age who died, and this possibility hit home rather hard. And the whole dream ended up in us dressing up and headed to the party we originally planned, beach and yatch and all.

Er, too much CSI: Miami?

And then, on Friday night, I watched this tv show where a woman who commited murder were sentenced to dead. Her sentence were held in this public place and when she caught sight of the altar where she's supposed to have her head chopped off, she were literally dragged there, begging for mercy, screaming that she's afraid and look completely terrorized. It was the first time, really, that I felt like I was in her shoes, being dragged to my death. It was scary. Scared of dying. Of the unknown.

And the kidnappings in Lahad Datu? It didn't help any. I hope those 6 foreign workers are still safe and will come back to their families, but I'm not optimistic. Memories of Sipadan in 2000 flood back into everybody's minds. 9/11. Bali. Daniel Pearl. This is so unjustified, works of Satan's worshippers in disguise of..something else.

What does it feel like? To know you're facing your death, taking your last breath? We're so fragile. This is especially true when I was in a dilemma, thinking whether I should continue with the trip to Sipadan, or I should just chicken out. Is this worth any risks at all? If I stay there's no 100% guarantee I'll live to see tomorrow either. Mom asked, is this a gamble worth taking? I thought. And thought hard. And I decided.

Yeah. I'll put the odds on the table. Come what may.
It's not like I'm drafted into the army. And hell, I better not be drafted into national service come Dec. Shhhhh. It's bad luck discussing this things. Jinxing yourself.

Hahaha. I know I'm having worst of thoughts at worst of times. Delwyn mentioned The Star should've know the flight schedules and confirmed everything by now. I argued with him; it's not going to happen for 2 months, nothing can be finalized til at least mid to end Nov. Anyway, I prefer it this way. No plan=no fantasies. Everything - stuff into the back of my brain.

It's just that all this is disturbing, y'know?

Delwyn Lee made this comment,
Oi... Just go lar. Heck. Ahaha.Who cares if kena kidnap. Er... nah...heh there'll be more security now there right??Hope so anyway.
Cya there (:

A visitor made this comment,
perhaps in the light of certain events that now haunt the world, your soul retaliates... maybe it's your unknown fear that appeared in dreams. how much do we know abt our conscious mind anyway?
i hope that ur dream is not a prophetic one (CHOI! TOUCH WOOD!)'s indeed frightening and disturbing if a friend or someone u care abt passes into the other world. or just the possibility of it. i stared the possibility of death in the face once, and i could never describe the great feeling of fear that churned inside of me.
dont worry abt this... but if u're v worried, tlel that particular friend of urs to be careful. life is too short to worry so much.

A visitor made this comment,
Glad you've decided to go. Don't pass up this chance. Good on you. Peace out!

No comments: