Insatiable wants

7 Jun 2004
At the moment
Mood: Dull
What I had last: BaK Kut Teh
Time: 00:07
Wishlist: Greenbacks, as Lex aptly put it. I'd sell friendships for a stack of it, yep.

So I should be studying Economics...I'm already 2 chapters behind but..ah...I've been reading newspapers. Sunday sections of The Star always have Education/Magazine and it made me think.

Especially in education. I'm jealous of all those people who got the moolah to study abroad or to join student exchange programs or even expos or whatever. It's not like I can hate them. For being rich, for being lucky, for being the chosen few. I can't.

Insatiable wants, scarcity, limited resources...those economic labels belong to the layperson, too. Me. I hate knowing by studying CPS I'm closing many many many doors. Not much more options. Am I right in my decision? What if there's another way, a parallel path?

I want to study abroad. I want to join student exchange. I want to go to student forums, I want I want I want! Yet...I know. Sometimes all it need is a big first step from me, first. Initiative is the word given to the action. And then a little bit of luck. It's not like I haven't done that or tasted the glory that came with the win. The rewards can be amazing, but ...losing is no fun. I join to win. To be the best. The best among the best.

And when you can only watch others become the best and you get sided, it's disappointing. Excruciating. Sad. Angry. Infuriating. Some bastards don't deserve it, but why people chose them anyway?!

And why do I join the rat race, to yearn to be recognized? To go though all the pain and work, for what it's worth? In the end, does it make me happy? Do it take me where I want to go? Yet I can't stop and relegate to the corner. That's not me, not being myself. I'm a leader not a follower. That's a bane rather than a gift. Politicking is draining.

Stop it. Stop!

Comments:
A visitor made this comment,
Aiyo... woman, stop complaining la. Going overseas to study, getting a string of A`s DOESN`T guarantee happiness. My sister is working in a hotel and i can tell that she has a better life than me. :(
Andrew [andyrewchua@hotmail/yahoo.com]

A visitor made this comment,
Happiness is something that no one else can attain for you. You need to find it all on your own. I know of some people who have everything - overseas education, car, house, opportunities - and yet they are not happy because they lack in one important aspect of their lives - finding something that makes you truly happy - be it in yourself and a talent that you have.
Getting an overseas education like Andrew said, doesn't guarentee happiness. My ex boyfriend has a MA in International Business and International Communication - he's in Australia now - but the last I checked, he wasn't all that happy.

It is finding out your purpose in life and striving to achieve it, finding out who and what you are that makes the difference.

Finally, what people should seek is joy and not happiness. There is a difference. ;)

Mabel.


A visitor made this comment,
hey gurl, don't fret it... you're only 18. there's plenty of time.. no one is perfect, don't rush yourself. just take your time and have fun at the same time. ya know, i'm still working and studying and i still wish i am doing my full time courses in college, but my parents said 'forget it' so i'm not keeping my hopes up high. but i told myseld, "this is it, study for me and not for anyone else." don't do things you do not want to do, because in the end, you'll be facing it, not your parents, not your bro, not your friends or teACHers.
My father actually wanted me to do med. can u imagine me doing med? i dun think so, besides i don't have the brains for it. hahhaha....
but anywa, the point is just relax and take things easy and you'll receive plenty out from it.
no offense, but some of the smartest kids in skool....do not exactly have a life. the only thing they do all day is 'study study study'.... there's not exactly fun you know..no degrees or masters or whatever could gurantee happiness or enough cash for the rest of your life.
it's your life you're talking about, not anyone else's....good luck with economic.... i know how you feel...
mizz yOu...
tAke cAre dear
~mich~

mich

Aidid Razak made this comment,
yeah, yeah, going overseas to study doesnt guarantee happiness. as much as u an i know that, dont u just want to tear your hair out if only for the chance to experience it, and see for yourself if it really makes you happy or otherwise? i tell u, i so know what you mean. i too have moments where i want to throw tantrums for being stuck here.

Vysia made this comment,
Hey, if you really want to study overseas theres loads of scholarships available... you're doing liberal arts right? there's the wesleyan scholarship - but that one you have to be excellent to get it, but still worth a shot. go look out for it. and i think that afs (antarabudaya malaysia) offers exchange programmes at a rather cheap fee or you can volunteer to help kids from other countries and all that, then i think they'd pay for your room and board and all that. do a google search or something. oh, and you're in leo club right? leo club also got cultural exchange programmes. just take the initiative, pray hard and hope for the best. i hope that helps. =)
-vys