2 Jan 2005
Technically it's already 2nd of January, 2005.
It seems like yesterday it was October and today November and suddenly, 1st January already? When did time pass me by? Did the days all merged, ebbed and flowed without me noticing it? It certainly did. I'm more amazed by the fact that this is one year that I really did not notice passing. It seemed like a permanence that it's here to stay. Its been a long, difficult, sometimes triumphant, sometimes not, always new always different, and bittersweet year for me. The year I finally turned 18.
It seemed so impossible, huh, that in another 5 more months I'll be 19? I remember days in SDAB as a primary school munchkin waiting for the bus with the secondary schoolgirls next door and being all agape and terrified at them, being amazed that they write all in pen ink in their exercise books when we use only pencils and of course, their brilliant turquoise uniform in contrast to our sombre navy blue ones. I remember in Form 1 I was so much in awe of anyone from Form 3 to 6, I dare not even approach or talk to them. And I was so flattered to be addressed by any of them any time. And of course, of college going kids...they were a world of their own, adults by namesakes.
Now, for more than half a year I am one, too. A collegekid. I realise it's been my main focus in life nowadays, college. There was a period when it was my only focus. I lost sight of my family and my old friends. Even went as far as thinking I do not need them very much anymore. Boy I was wrong. My family especially my mom and my bro, even my dad, in a certain, special way of his, meant a lot to me. They are my whole, my identity and my home. Despite what happened between my parents, and them me, I love them and need them in different ways very dearly. Despite how angry I was, still am over many things, deep down I'm still a daughter in need of both their comfort and love. I never admit to my mom how much I've loved, missed and depended on my dad's love too. I was the apple of his eye. What I want, I get. Sorrow tinge when I realise I cannot get that in regular doses anymore. But then again, I have less broken promises, more stability and a chance to grow up and be more cynical and jaded and realistic. Being an adult.
My old friends, especially Amelia, Sing Yieng and Shwu Chenn meant so, so much to me. And then there are friends I know and keep in touch once in a while, spending quality and not quantity time together like Gianne, Lean Chiew, Jun Hoe...and still many others. I do not want to name all of you, but I love and cherish and appreciate all of you the same way I cherish all my best, best, bestest friends. Knowing someone for 6 years is not the same as knowing my collegefriends for 6 months. There's still much to explore, threading waters carefully and afraid of doing the wrong things or saying the wrong words. Not that I do not think of them as my very good friends already, especially Tze Wurn, thanks baby!
My old friends...These are the friends I grocery shop with, clean and prepare food (like smelly stingrays, beheading squids and making fruit salads and experimenting with lime juice-marinated prawns...an impromptu recipe that actually worked!) with and have BBQ with. Ushered in the new year with them. In a car, by the roadside, no less. I trust them enough to let us run around Kepong and Damansara in a car at insane hours. And insane meant nearly 3 am. We were stopped by policemen in a police block. We are old enough to be asked if we had drinked! We had no curfew! We are adults in the eyes of the law! Wow, the implication was never stronger. From Christmas til New Year, I've never failed to feel very very comfortable and cosy with them. They know every of my hangups and social failures. They know how much I hated whom and what and they convinced me to get a (in my definition) total chop off of my long mane. Our friendships have grown by bounds and leaps, even without seeing each other. I had fears of stagnantation but it was unfounded. Even though we developed separatedly this year, we had something strong enough for us to recap and move on together. Its right to say I love them and I intend to keep my part of the pact to discuss what became of us when we turned 25. And that's only 6 years from now! I know I don't seem sentimental and sometimes might even be aloof or rash, but I love you all the same!
And ah, in 13 days' time I'm sitting for my 2nd semester finals. And then to holidays. Shifting house. Third semester. A huge decision over what to major in university. Turning 19. My uncle's wedding. University. Much, much more that will come to be. I don't know what, but come what may!
Amelia made this comment,
Hey babe, it was real nice yah, spending new year's eve together. :) Honestly I never thought it could happen. Just like you, I thought we would drift and that we would be too busy with college to miss each other. But I guess I was wrong. At one point I really did start to miss you. I missed all of us. The old times and everything. I missed sharing everything with you. I missed all the gossips. I missed your presence in my life which was once so significant.
I'm glad we got back in touch. It was a piece of cake yah? And I do feel that we're much closer now. Cause we're adults now. ;) I know you sometimes feel left out in some parts of our lives. Well it was a mistake. And I don't think I need explain how,when and why because that don't matter now. As long you're still a very significant part of our life NOW. We're corrected the wrong and sorted everything out and we're still as close. :) I'm glad that happened. :)
Off to college now. And let's not drift ever. I'm quite positive that we won't. :) Love you babe!
A visitor made this comment,
Happy new year. A little late, but better than never. This X'mas and New Year have been different for me. For the first time, I was in the company of friends who really clicked with me. Something that I've missed a long time, and different compared to the usual lonely new year I have. And I could just see us being together for a long long time. But I'll tell more in my blog.
Take care and have a great year ahead.
A visitor made this comment,
Kitsze is in kl edi, but DON'T you all DARE go karaoke without me!!!!