28 Apr 2003 18:23
At the moment
Song: My December - Linkin Park
Word: Mess - state of being a teen
My brain is saying: Study, for God's sake.
One week anniversary of my blog. And I'm sorry to say come May, blogs will trickle to a slow traffic. Semester exams start on the 4th...I think. Anyway. Been feeling really really really guilty about not opening a single page and start studying. So I was being a good girl and cracked my Biology book open, only to manage a couple of pages. Argh, this cannot be it. Since early last year, upon entering science stream, I've lost interest in school work. EVERYTHING else is more appealing than sitting down and learning about redox or wavelength or your skeletal system. Things happened last year, and I used them as crutches and excuses for my bad results, but this cannot go on. So I'll gather some commitment and strength to simply SIT DOWN AND STUDY.
My friend talked about mediocrity in her blog (Amelia's), and I guess I couldn't help but to agree with her. She, at least, have her sense of humor unscathed. You can hardly giggle at my blog. Nothing is funny for me anymore. I go through life with one single expression - frustration. Frustration of being inferior, frustration of sitting around doing nuts, frustration of being frustrated. God, I so should be in the funny farm for un-funny people. I read through some of my published articles I've written when I was 14 and I'm amazed to see that a 14-yr-old can perceive what I, 17, can't even see anymore. I've lost touch with many many things. I need to relearn to express myself again, to offer peace within myself and to my family, and importantly, my friends, whom I know I've offended beyond count and never apologize to.
...Back to what I wanted to say yesterday...my love life (or the lack thereof). Actually, boy-girl relationships is more aptly put. The object of my infatuation is not an object...I don't even have one right now, no one have a crush on me either (pathetically admitting it), and this seemed to be the simplest of dilemmas. The sebject I want to touch on is actually homosexuality. I wonder how it really is like to like one of your own. Whether you get the same rush seeing a hunk/chick in the LRT, the same butterflies if a hunk/chick talk to you or the same disappointment to see a b***h/b*****d in his/her arms. I personally know gays and a bi, all males, and given the kind of media hype and bias, it's discovery, finding out they are as normal as you please. Some make a big deal about their sexuality, some are confused, some are so nonchalant about it. Actually, how most people react upon finding out depends on the confession itself. Personally, it doesn't matter if it's Jennifer Aniston or Brad Pitt that gives you the hots. If the person is a genuine friend, I'll be there for them as one, too. It's scary seeing some people react violently `I hate gays! I won't go near one if you pay me!'. They're limiting themselves, conforming to the norm, submitting to narrow-mindedness and binding themselves to dictates of society. A tragedy indeed. That said, I'm straight and on the prowl, tee hee :).
A visitor made this comment,
Thought I'd do you a favour.Exams' starts on the 7th dearie.Not that it makes any major difference.